The story that God has given us is a story of tragedy, broken hearts, and sorrow, but also a story of God’s faithfulness, love, mercy, and forgiveness.

    Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. Make your plans, but write them on paper, not in concrete. For God and life have a way of intruding and leading you on a journey that you might not have anticipated in your wildest dreams.
Isaiah 55 says,
    For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.
Someday we will understand.
By His grace alone, we press on.

Nathan, Connie, Ryan, Charles

    The officer said, “We’re sorry to inform you that, Matthew and Justin were killed in a crash near Farmington this evening. There was another boy with them do you know who that would be?” That would be my son Jacob. The officers looked at each other then back to me and said, “Jacob is in surgery. He is in critical condition.”

Before morning Jacob would also be dead. Medical bills received for Jacob would show that he had been revived 3 times before we arrived at the hospital.  Three sober brothers; killed in an alcohol related crash. One drunk driver took the lives of three sober brothers.

How could this be? They were just on their way home for a late supper after running an errand to drop off film to be developed for Matthew’s photography class at Dakota County Technical College.

Fatal Impact
October 10, 2004
Matthew, Jacob, and Justin
Written by Connie

The morning of October 10th, a crisp, clear day, started out quite ordinary. Nathan took our 4 youngest sons to Sunday school. Matthew had to work at Country Kitchen from 9-3, food prep, cook, or dishwasher, whatever they needed. I hadn’t left for church yet so I was able to spend a couple minutes with Matthew before he left for work. With his black CK cap on backwards, as usual, he paused before leaving, said, “I love you, see you later,” and he was out the door. Then I left for church a little after 10 a.m.

Nathan and Jacob played guitar with the worship team. For some reason Justin was very tired, and spent most of church with his head resting in his hands. Nathan had to fly out that morning so he left church early.
Jacob and Justin were hoping to spend the afternoon with some of their friends, but the friends weren’t around.
After church we headed for home and had a light lunch. I told Jacob and Justin, ”Hey guys you need to finish your astronomy homework so we can mail it out tomorrow.”  Justin said, ”Done.” Jacob went to his room to finish up his astronomy homework. They were taking a PSEO astronomy class through Northwestern College’s Distance Education Program.

Justin went to his room to play computer. Ryan and Charles were off building with their Legos.

I went to work on my heritage research. My hope was through researching our heritage, my sons and I would gain a greater appreciation for who we are and see God’s hand on our lives and the lives of our ancestors. We did not choose our ancestors, some ordinary, others not so ordinary, but God chose each and every one for a purpose. What lessons can we learn from their successes and from their failures?

When I sat down at the computer to begin my search a strange thought popped into my head, “You should clean house, you never know when strangers will appear unannounced.” I answered aloud, “LORD, it’s Sunday, I’ll do it tomorrow.”  A short time later, I was thinking about all the things I should be doing and the thought, “It’s strange how when something really important happens, everything stops, nothing else matters,” popped into my head.

Jacob finished his astronomy homework and went to work on his aquariums. He was our resident fish expert. He had 5 aquariums and was in the process of taking down 3 to restart with different fish.

According to Matthew’s boss, he left work that day without his usual, “Bye, see you later.” He was gone before she realized that he had already checked out
Matthew came home mid-afternoon, I asked him how work was and he said, “Fine.” Imagine that. He went to his room to do a little homework. He was taking a typography class and a photography class at Dakota Technical College. When Matthew finished up his class work, Justin went into his room and they played the computer game, “Pod-racer.”

While I was on the computer, Jacob came upstairs with his guitar and said, “Mom listen to this.” He played a little tune that he had just made up. Jacob would often work on creating a new song on his guitar.

Justin came down the steps, paused on the bottom step. He flashed me one of his big grins. “Can I go with Matthew to drop off film at Walmart?” Matthew needed to get a film developed for his photography class, the photos would be due Tuesday. It was around 4:15 p.m., almost suppertime, but they really wanted to go, so I agreed.

Matthew, Jacob, and Justin were not only brothers; they were friends and often enjoyed doing things together. So if Matthew and Justin were going, Jacob had no intention of being left behind.

As they were about to leave, I said, “No one leaves unless mama gets a hug.” First Justin gave me a hug and an “I love you, see you later,” then Jacob. The two of them headed out the door to Matthew’s little red Saturn.

I asked Matthew not to be gone too long as it was so close to suppertime. He said he wanted to stop at Target before going to Walmart and then they would head home.

Matthew had a few last minute things to do before he would head out the door. Our easy going Matthew, never in a hurry to get anywhere. Matthew gave me a hug, said, “I love you, see you later.” Matthew paused for a moment, I looked at him and said, “Take good care of my boys.” Matthew smiled and said, “I will.” Then he turned and walked out the door. Little did I know that would be the last time I would see them alive on this earth.

I stood at the kitchen window and waved goodbye to my boys as they headed down our driveway, for some reason, I looked at the kitchen clock. It was 4:36 p.m.

About 6:29 p.m. Matthew called to say they were leaving Target and headed for Walmart. As always, I said, ”Love you, see you later.” He said, “I love you too.”

At 7:20 p.m., according to our kitchen clock, the phone rang, it was Jacob, our detail man, “Hi Mom, We’re leaving the Walmart parking lot. What’s for supper?” I said, “Salmon, I just put it in the oven, it will be ready by the time you get home.” It takes 30 to 40 minutes to get from the Walmart parking lot to our home, depending on traffic. Jacob said, “great.” I said, “I Love you Jacob.” Jacob said, “I love you too Mom.” Jacob, being the teenager that he was, would often just say yah, me too.

At 7:35 p.m. I felt like a shock went through me, and I thought, “They should be home.” But when I looked at the clock, I thought, “No, they should only be halfway home.” They were killed approximately 12 miles from Walmart and 12 miles from home. The time of the crash according to the State Patrols reconstruction was 7:42 p.m.

I expected that they would be home between 7:50 to 8. When they weren’t home by 8, I was concerned, but not overly. I knew Matthew was not the fastest driver and perhaps there was heavy traffic getting out of Apple Valley. I had often encouraged the boys to take highway 50 because there was less traffic and a slower more comfortable pace. 

By 8:30 Nathan had called, he had a short stop in Minneapolis before flying out. He asked how things were going, I said, “not good, the boys are not home yet and they should have been home almost half an hour ago.” I wasn’t sure if they had stopped by Cory’s to get Mike or were in a ditch somewhere. When they weren’t home by 9 p.m., I tried calling Matthew’s cell phone, but it was turned off.

I was trying to figure out if I should go looking for them, but what if they tried calling home. I needed to stay home. Should I call someone, the police, the emergency room, but which one? At 9:20, two hours after I had spoken with Jacob, I saw two sets of headlights headed up our driveway. My first thought was, “Those buggers, they stopped and got Mike and didn’t bother to call me.”

But, when I looked out the kitchen window and saw two sheriffs’ cars in my driveway, I knew instantly that someone was dead, but who? Little did I know that before morning, my three oldest sons; that were just on their way home from running an errand, would be dead. Actually, Matthew and Justin were killed instantly and Jacob had been transported to Regions Hospital for surgery, in an effort to save him. The coroner later told us she had asked them why they were transporting Jacob. He was not going to make it. He had a closed skull injury and it had taken them 1 hour and 25 minutes to cut Jacob out of the car, in addition to the time it took rescue workers to get to the scene.

The deputies asked a few questions, then the words that no parent should ever have to hear. “We are sorry to inform you that Matthew and Justin were killed in a crash near Farmington this evening. There was a third boy with them, do you know who that would be?” I said, “That would be my son, Jacob.” They asked if I knew where they were headed and I told them they were on their way home for supper, so they would have been eastbound. They said, “Jacob is in critical condition. He was taken to Regions Hospital and is in surgery.”

Ryan and Charles were in the living room watching “Monkeys Go Home.”

I went into crisis mode. “What do I have to do? I don’t want to scare Ryan and Charles.”

I called Nathan on his cell phone and told him to get off the trip immediately, “there’s been an accident and you need to get home.”  Nathan, “What happened?” I said, “Just get off the trip and get home. Jacob’s in surgery.” Nathan asked, “What about Matthew and Justin?” I said, “Just get home we’ll talk when you get here.”

I called family and friends to ask for prayer for Jacob and to tell them that Matthew and Justin had been killed in a crash. I asked a friend if she would be able to come and stay with Ryan and Charles while Nathan and I went to the hospital to be with Jacob.

Now I would just have to wait. So, I started washing dishes as the two deputies sat at my kitchen table. I could see their reflection in my window, as they would look at me and then at each other. They were probably wondering if I had really heard what they had said. 

As I was looking out the window, I saw state trooper, Lt. Bob Meyerson, walking to my door. I ran out the door to hug him, you see I knew Lt Meyerson. I had taught a preschool class with his wife, at a church both our families used to attend when our kids were little. He was the uncle of my boys’ best friends. (Thank you LORD for sending a familiar face, Lt. Meyerson, to me in my darkest hour.)

Nathan called on his way home and asked me what was going on. I tried not to answer but he kept asking, so I told him that Jacob was in surgery, in critical condition. He asked about Matthew and Justin again, I tried not to answer but he kept asking, so I finally told him they were gone. 

Lt. Meyerson didn’t want Nathan driving with that information, so before my friend Kate could get to our house to stay with Ryan and Charles, the two sheriff’s deputies said I should go and they would stay with Ryan and Charles until Kate could get to the house. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that highway 50 would be shut down because of the crash. Kate is from Farmington. As Lt Meyerson and I were headed down the driveway, we met Kate she had found an alternate route.

Sitting in the front seat of Lt. Meyerson patrol car I remember thinking, “God, this is too big to be just about us. What do you want me to do?” Lt. Meyerson told me, it appears alcohol may have been involved. I knew my boys didn’t drink, which meant the other driver had to be the one drinking.

We met Nathan at the Petro Station and then we were off to Regions Hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital we were escorted to a waiting room and told the doctors would be in to talk with us shortly. So we waited. The doctors came in and told us that Jacob was out of surgery; that he was on life support; but his blood pressure was dangerously low and had been for quite some time. Jacob’s legs had been crushed above and below the knees, but so far they had not done surgery on his legs. The doctor said that Jacob had been without oxygen to his brain for a prolonged period of time. I thought he said Jacob had an “innocuous” brain injury. Innocuous means “not harmful” so I obviously misunderstood what he said.

We were then escorted to a waiting room on the surgical floor. Friends joined us. A nurse came in and handed me a clear plastic bag with Jacob’s bloody belongings. I thought, “I need to keep these. Kids need something tangible to understand how their actions impact others. LORD, I want to make a difference. I will not go where You do not open the door. This is your work and I do not have the energy to open even one door.”

While in the waiting room someone called us and asked if we would consider letting Matthew and Justin be organ donors. We agreed but complications prevented this from happening.

The doctors came in again and told us that we could go in to see Jacob now. They also told us that there appeared to be no brain activity. I asked them to check to make sure.

We walked into Jacob’s room and found him under a white heating blanket; eyes wide open, fully dilated and staring at the ceiling. When I saw my Jacob like that, my only  thought was, “He’s not here, he’s gone.” Jacob was very cold to the touch, he was in a neck brace, and tubes were coming out of his head trying to relieve the pressure on his brain, and he was hooked up to monitors. His blood pressure was very low and had been for some time, they weren’t exactly sure why, so they decided to check his brain waves, but he had none.  Then his heart started shutting down, they were going to bring in the paddles. I asked, “Why?” “He’s gone, let him go with his brothers.” I found out months later from the medical bills that Jacob’s heart had shut down 3 times before we even arrived at the hospital.

The nurse called the doctors in and they again told us, Jacob is brain dead. 

We stood there surrounded by friends and people from church, as we prayed, sang, and I read all of Psalm 34, (without my glasses). It was the verse that God had given me when Matthew was born on 14th of November 1983. I will extol the LORD at all times… even when; especially when my heart is breaking.

Before Matthew was born, I had read in the book of Samuel how Hannah prayed for a son and said that if God would give her a son she would give her son back to the LORD to serve Him; so I prayed for a son and said, “LORD, if you give me a son, I will give him back to you to serve you.”  He just never said how long I could keep him.

Matthew was born with a ruptured diaphragm. His intestines had crowded his left lung, so that his left lung remained collapsed after birth. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Matthew looked at me with eyes that pleaded for help, but I was powerless to help. He was taken to the nursery to be examined by the pediatricians who just happened to be at the hospital doing their rounds. They told us that Matthew would die without surgery. He was rushed to Children’s Hospital for surgery. We called friends and family to ask that they pray for our Matthew. After an hour and 20 minutes of surgery, Doctor Anderson informed me that Matthew now had a 50/50 chance of living. I remember holding my hands up to God saying, “LORD, he’s yours, what do you want. I trust you.” That night as I was alone in my room in another hospital I opened my Bible to Psalm 34 and found comfort in it. Matthew was released to go home on the fifth day. Over the years that followed I would remind Matthew that the scar on his side was a reminder that he belonged to God and that God had set him apart for a special purpose. There is so much more to Matthew’s story. In God’s perfect timing if He so desires, I will be able to add the rest of Matthew’s story.)

Once we said good-bye to Jacob, Lt. Meyerson took us to the Dakota County Morgue to identify and say good-bye to Matthew and Justin. They were so cold and almost yellow looking. The coroner had cleaned them up, so other than Matthew’s nose looking slightly smaller and cuts on his knuckles, my blondie just looked like he was sleeping and other than Justin’s head looking slightly swollen he too looked as if he were only sleeping, the white sheet covering up the fact that his body was badly damaged. Our hearts breaking we left for home.

Regions had given us Jacob’s clothing, but no shoes, so for the next three nights, I slept with his blood stained clothing. It was all I had left of my precious Jacob.

Monday morning there was no time to clean house. Our home was full of family and friends, and our lawn with members of the media.

I’m not sure if it was that day, October 11th, or the next day that we went to see Matthew’s car. Seeing as how superman, Christopher Reeves, had died that same night, I was curious to find out if Matthew had been wearing his superman cap, as he usually did. Sure enough, there under the dash was Matthew’s superman cap. And under the dash where Jacob’s legs had been crushed was one lone tennis shoe.

Evidence of the their last purchases: 4 toy soldiers for a movie they were planning on making when they got home, a computer game that Justin has been wanting for some time, and a case of Mt. Dew.

Our story: 3 sober brothers; wearing seat belts; driving responsibly - dead. All because 1 young man chose to drink too much, drive too fast, and talk on a cellphone. 

October 10th, 2004

Written by Nathan.

It was a typical Sunday morning. Get up early, make the coffee so I can wake up enough to begin the struggle of getting the boys up for church. They loved to sleep in late like most kids do. Matthew would not go with us this morning because he had to work at the local Country Kitchen. He enjoyed working there and liked being with the people. I would usually go early to church for practice with the worship team. Jacob had been playing guitar with us for the last 2 months. Connie would come later. I remember seeing Justin very tired as he sat in the pew in front of us. He would normally sit with his best friend, Danny. After church it was usually the same question, our house or Danny’s house? Justin valued his friendship more than any other.

That morning was the last time I would walk past Matthew’s room and see him sleeping in his messy bed in his messy room. I would usually say goodbye to him, but I do not recall if I said goodbye to him that morning. That morning would be that last time I would play guitar with Jacob at church. It would also be the last time I would see my fast growing teenage Justin struggling to stay awake in church.

After playing for the first part of the service, I left church early and headed for the airport. I arrived at the airport at about noon for a 1:00 flight to Tampa, returning to Minneapolis at about 8:30. I was scheduled to fly to Madison at 10:06 PM and spend the night. Between 8:30 and 9:15 I talked to Connie three times. Jacob and Justin had been grounded in the past for not calling and telling us where they were and when they would be home. This was hard for us to understand since they were normally very good about keeping us informed. We were discussing the boys, why they were not home, and what would we do with them this time to enforce the rule of keeping in touch with us. Matthew had graduated, was older and in college. Even though he was still living at home, he had much different rules compared to his younger brothers who were still in high school.

Shortly after my last phone call at 9:15, Connie saw the two sheriffs cars coming up the driveway. I had started the preflight inspection for the flight to Madison. I remember it was aircraft number 3248 and I was at gate F4. At 9:33 PM I received the phone call that changed my life forever. I will always remember the numbers for some reason. They are “bookmarks” in my life that I will always look back on. Whenever I fly “3248” or whenever I have a flight out of “F4”, I am reminded what an amazing road the Lord is bringing our family down. I am also reminded of the amazing grace, love, mercy, and faithfulness He has shown our family. Without Him, I would be nothing and would not have the ability to move forward in this life.

I would normally have my cell phone off by this time, but thankfully, this time it was still on. I answered the phone and Connie simply said, “there’s been an accident, get off the trip”. Her voice was very business like and very stern. I asked for details, but she would only say that she would tell me when I got home. I told crew scheduling, the flight attendants, and the gate agent that I was leaving. As I walked down the concourse and rode the crew bus to the car, my mind was a blur and my heart was racing. Driving east on 494, I called her back and said, “You have to tell me what’s going on.” She finally and reluctantly told me that Jacob was in the hospital in critical condition. I then asked her, “what about Matthew and Justin”? She wouldn’t tell me. I asked again, “what about Matthew and Justin”? In a voice filled with sorrow and sadness, she slowly told me Matthew was dead. “What about Justin”, I said. With tears and barely able to talk, she said, “Justin’s dead.”

I laid the phone down for a minute as I drove, speechless. A ton of bricks had slammed into my heart. I remember saying Matthew and Justin’s name, and then crying out to Jesus. All I could say was, Dear Jesus, help me.

We agreed to meet half way home at the Petro Truck Stop. I know exactly the spot where I parked and remember the phone call back to Connie to tell her I had made it. I drive by that spot every time I drive to or from the airport. The indescribable feelings and the memories of that night come flooding back. Many times as I drive by, it’s the same prayer, Dear Jesus, help me. Connie and Lt. Meyerson arrived shortly thereafter. I hugged Connie and we got in the back seat of the patrol car. Lt. Meyerson told me later that my only words were, God is faithful. That was true that night and is still true today. He is faithful to His Word and His promises. He is also faithful to give us peace, comfort, and hope during a time of great sorrow and lose.

As we entered Jacob’s room at the hospital, there were many tubes and wires for monitoring and life support attached to him. There was no response as I held his cold hand and touched his cold head. His heart was beating and his chest rose and fell in response to the respirator. Several, including Jacob’s best friend Mike, gathered around as we prayed, asking God for a miracle.  I remember talking to Jacob and not really thinking he could hear us and that he most likely was gone.

We talked to the neurosurgeon who said Jacob had possibly arrived at the hospital brain dead. By God’s grace, my prayer changed from Lord heal him, to Lord your will be done. I also remember looking at the clock in the room as he officially died at 1:15 AM. We cried and hugged as we tried to say goodbye to Jacob. How do you say goodbye to your son who just a few hours before had been so full of life?

I had somehow forgotten about Matthew and Justin for a few minutes until Lt. Meyerson recommended we leave and go to the county morgue where their bodies had been taken. 

About 2:30 AM, my brother Paul called and said they had just picked up their daughter Heidi in Jamestown and were on the road. They would drive all night and hoped to come to the hospital to see Jacob so he asked how Jacob was doing. I told him, he didn’t make it. There was silence on the phone as we both wept. I then called my brother Marvin in Los Angeles and God gave me the strength to give him the news. He was almost unable to speak.

As I look back on that night, I am humbled by the strength that God gave us to do the things that any parent would describe as unimaginable and indescribable. How does a parent look at their son’s dead bodies, and not completely loose it and have themselves committed to the insane asylum.

As we sat in the waiting room at the morgue, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be able to do what I was about to do.

What a mighty God we serve.